Many years ago I heard a story that forever changed my perspective on how I view life. It was a story told by Jack Canfield, author of, Chicken Soup for the Soul. Canfield recounts an experience where he was at a conference and one of the main speakers was Kenneth Behring.
Kenneth Behring went from Depression poverty in rural Wisconsin to the Forbes 400 list of richest Americans. The classic rags to riches story. But what was most fascinating and awe-inspiring was the story of the four stages of life the Mr. Behring experienced. He owned mansions, hundreds of classic cars, a jet plane and his own football team. But something was missing, in what he later describes the four stages of life:
1. More.
2. Better.
3. Different.
4. Purpose.
What I have come to realize is that these four stages also apply to just about every area of a person’s life, including Calisthenics. I have seen an eerie evolution in the development of those in the health and fitness community move through these very simple but profound stages.
Stage 1: More
In the first stage of his life, Mr. Behring states, “The first stage of my life, I just wanted to get more, I didn’t have a car, I wanted a car, I didn’t have a house, I wanted a house, I didn’t have clothes, I got good clothes.”
In your training, when you first begin, you want to learn more and more. You become like a sponge soaking up any and all bits of video and information you can get your hands on. You train, all the time. You practice more and more. You become saturated with all the online content you can find.
One can become almost obsessed with learning and training more, and that is a completely normal reaction to any new undertaking that is fueled by passion and enthusiasm. You want to learn more exercises, more moves. Its only nature to want to do more reps, more sets, more moves, more more more.
Stage 2: Better
The second stage of life, “Then when I had all the things I wanted, I wanted better. I wanted a bigger car, a better house, a mansion, a Rolls Royce. Then I got all that. I had all the toys.”
In this stage, it seems, you become focused with only being the best. Doing the best pull ups, push ups, training at the very best level you can. You train to have the absolutely perfect form. To look and be the best version of you that you can possibly be. And there is nothing wrong with that also. It is part of your evolution. You are focused on better. Better tricks, better moves, better form. You want to be the best that you can be.
Stage 3: Different
The third stage, as Canfield tells the story of Mr. Behring, “Then my life turned into different. And that’s when I bought the Seattle Seahawks, because no one owned a football team. No one owned a basketball team. No one owned a baseball team. I figured I would own that. Then I still wasn’t happy.”
In this stage, we want to be different. Try different moves and exercises. To be able to unique and different things with regards to our training. To be able to be different in that we can do. To out do the others. To win awards or accolades. To be unique and different in our approach to training. To be different and unique. This too is completely normal, and in fact is what Tony Robbins, calls one of our six human needs, to be unique and important.
In the exercise community, I see a lot of guys and gals aspiring to win awards, to be the world record holders of this or that, to be unique and different. Of course, this too, is quite normal, in our process of evolving on our journey of life.
Stage 4: Purpose
The fourth stage, “Then one day, someone called me and asked if I would go to Africa with him and literally help pass out wheelchairs. And I decided to do that. I was in Africa, and I put this boy in a wheelchair, and he wouldn’t let go of me. He looked up into my eyes, and I looked into his eyes and smiled with tears streaming down his face. and for the first time in my life I felt joy. Really honest to god joy.
And I decided I was going to bring wheelchairs to people who were crippled. A lot of people in third world countries get thrown away and abandoned.”
He went on to say that, “I was in Mexico and there was a boy that was blind, and all he was able to do was to sit in the sun. He was too heavy for his dad to carry out and a wheelchair would solve that. I brought him the wheel chair. And he wouldn’t let go of my hands. He kept holding my hands. and then finally he looked up at my face, and I looked into his eyes, and I realized he couldn’t see me.”
And I said, “Too bad you can’t see me, because you would see the love in my eyes”
The child then said, “Don’t worry I will see you when we are both in heaven.”
Ken Behirng, ended his speech, and he said, “Look don’t wait like I did, I was 65 years old until I discovered my true purpose, I spent 45 years chasing toys when I could have been chasing joy.”
This fourth stage is so important. With all the training you are doing, there has got to be a point when you begin to give back. To show others the new found skills and knowledge that you have acquired through your hours of training and practice.
You can’t let your training just be about you. It has to stand for something greater than just you.
In the end, I believe there will be only two questions that we will ask ourselves at the end of our lives:
1) Did you give it your all, did you live to your true potential, compared to you and no one else. Compared to the very best that you had did you give it your all in everything that you attempted?
2) How much did you give of yourself? Not how much did you acquire, but how much did you contribute and offer to those around you?
I realize finding your purpose, can appear to be a daunting task, but in reality it is not. You are already doing it, you probably just don’t know it. Your purpose is whatever you love to do, that you would do if money, fame, recognition, or time were not issues.
Your purpose is or are those things that light your fire.
For those reading this blog, I would imagine that training and exercise are one of those things that you love to do. So stick with it. And help others to share in the joy that you have.
Here is the original audio recording that I heard some 10 years ago that transformed how I looked at life (Time: 2:50 Minutes):
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