Every day I seem to find something to  be thankful for. It might seem difficult in this constant barrage from the main stream media of negative news and world events.

Unfortunately for the vast majority of us living in western society, it can be super easy to lose sight of all the gifts we have been given or attained. This mentality of more, more, more, has made has almost immune to the one thing that can bring us true happiness, gratitude.

When you have an attitude of gratitude, even for the smallest, most minute thing in life, such as the clothes on your back or the breath of air you just took, you change immediately from victim to victor.

In society, it is almost second nature to constantly compare who you are, what you have, where you live, what you drive or in my case not drive, what you wear, who your friends are, etc, to others.

The only problem with that is we often like to compare up and not down.

What do I mean by that?

When someone is comparing their life, they typically like to compare to those that are “doing better”. Don’t ask me why, it’s one of the mysteries of the world. Why on earth would someone want to compare their life to someone earning more than their are, driving a better car, someone that has a bigger, better home, etc? It’s a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

It’s what a friend of mine likes to call, the “poverty mentality”.

The “poverty mentality” is when you can see nothing great in your life. Many times, it’s simply because you are comparing up and not down.

Less Is More

The quickest way to get depressed about your life is to compare yourselves to those doing far better than you. In the states, the city “Beverly Hills” is synonymous with the rich and famous. Wherever you live there is always some neighborhood or local neighboring city that is considering “posh”. For me, it was Beverly Hills, and if I wanted to get depressed all I needed to do was to compare myself to those shopping at Cartier and Tiffany’s or driving a Bentley or Ferrari.

Instead, I learned to look at those not in “rich” neighborhoods, but rather to look at those in the poorer neighborhoods and focus on how happy they were with less.

“If you can’t be happy with nothing, you won’t be happy with everything.”

If you want to feel depressed compare yourself to others, it’s the fastest road to a life of misery. But if on the other hand you want to feel great and inspired about yourself.

Look into those that have had it “tough” even “tougher” than you, and see how he or she or they rose above their supposed hardships to become the person they always dreamed.

They are out there. You just have to look. They are always out there. Those real life heroes and heroines do exist. Find your real life inspiration and then be that inspiration for another.

‘Don’t look for big things, just do small things with great love…
the smaller the thing, the greater must be our love.’
– Mother Teresa

And one final thing on comparing, if you want to compare yourself to anyone, than do it, by comparing yourself to the best version of you that you can possibly be.

Contrast

This is an all time favorite of mine, when I am feeling a bit down or uninspired.

Contrast is not a new idea, it’s been around for ages, it is however a very useful tool to immediately change one’s perspective as well as any choices or decisions we make in the future.

Contrast is all about looking at your past, present and imagining your future, based on the path you are on now and what it might look like if you decide to change.

Life really is a series of decisions. We can decide to look at something in an entirely different way, possibly more positive or we can decide not to, and just sulk.

In life, each of our decisions brings with it outcomes and results. Sometimes the results of our decisions may not be what we bargained for. When the result of a decision does not match with our expectation we then make another choice, the choice of whether to don the mask of the victim or the victor of life.

Our choices are largely dependent on who we are and what we’ve become. There is a great saying that goes, “the past is history, the future is a mystery, this moment is a gift; that is why this moment is called the present; enjoy it.”

In A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens the main character in the book is a miserly businessman named Ebeneezer Scrooge. Four ghosts visit Ebeneezer Scrooge on Christmas Eve. After the apparition of Scrooge’s dead business partner Marley, the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas As Yet To Come guide Scrooge through his own emotionally charged past, his harsh and loveless present, and his bleak future.

The vision of his own headstone and the realization that no one will mourn his death force Scrooge to see the error of his Bah! Humbug! attitude toward humanity in general and more specifically, Christmas.

Our past provides us memories of events long gone. Our future provides us expectations of events that may or may not come to pass. It is the present that is truly all that we have at this moment. We can however leverage the past events and our expectations of possible future outcomes (scenarios).

If we look at our past, present, and future in relation to our thoughts, actions and environment we may discover helpful clues for transforming our present into the future we desire, and in turn creating our very own storybook version of, A Christmas Carol.

Focus on Solutions

An attitude of gratitude is really about looking for the positive solutions in life and choosing to ignore the rest. I am not advocating being pollyanna, what I am suggesting is to find a nice balance between being positively oriented and not so positively oriented.

You can always find a solution. What I like to tell my 11 year old son, when he is complaining or upset about something, is, “Pause for just a second, and describe the problem. What do you want? Now what are a few solutions that can get you what you want?”

Believe it or not, it works just about every time.

When we focus, let’s say 10% or less of our effort on the problem, only long enough to figure out, what the heck it is we want, and the rest of the  time on the solution, most often the solution(s) are just around the corner. And the problem becomes an after thought.

It’s in the B.A.G.

This idea was first introduced to me, by my good friend, JD Mumma, B.A.G. stands for Blessings, Accomplishments & Gifts.

This is a bit of a hybrid between, Contrast and Focusing on Solutions, the difference is that you take a mental note (Or better yet, write them down, to review)  of all the good in your life, your blessings, your accomplishments and your gifts.

We all have something in life that we can are blessed with. It could be something as small as the food in your stomach or the clothes on your back, but all of us have at least one thing we feel blessed about. It doesn’t have to be something grandiose, think/feel  what is one thing you could feel truly blessed about? It could be that you have two eyes, when they are many that are blind. It could be that you have two ears, when there are many that are deaf. I don’t know what it is for you. But find your blessing(s) they are there.

Accomplishment are my favorite, because we oftentimes forget just how far we have come. For example, I hated Spanish. I hated it so much that I did not want to graduate and get my college degree because the one class that I needed to pass in order to get my degree was Spanish. Instead of getting my college degree I just quit, and abandoned all the countless hours and years of study. I know, it sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth. I thought I was just one of those people that was just not smart enough to learn a second language.

As I am one to not quit anything. I ended up going to a community college to fulfill the language requirement in order to get my Bachelors of Arts and Science in Economics with a Minor in Industrial Organizational Psychology.

Here’s where the irony of it all comes to fruition. A decade or more later, I find myself backpacking throughout Europe and I end up deciding to live in, Spain.

How funny is that?

I did not speak Spanish, I avoided it like the plague for some 36 plus years, and now I am living in the birthplace of the language, Spain.

Well fast forward, 8 years later, and I am now somewhat proficient in Spanish, I can read, write, listen and speak Spanish. When I first arrived,  I could not even speak let alone listen, write or read in Spanish.

For me, this was a huge accomplishment.

All of us have something like that. Try to remember what accomplishment(s) you have done and jot them down.

Gifts, is the final part of B.A.G. Gift is synonymous with talent. I don’t care who you are, each of us has a gift that is special. It’s the very reason you are alive today, to give that gift to the world, and only you can give it. Again I don’t know what that is, only you will know. The best way to find out what it is/are, is to look at what you like to do if money was not an issue. If you did not get paid, what would you do in your free time. And if you are thinking, “I don’t have any free time.” Then what would you do if you had free time.

B.A.G. is a nice reminder of your own personal greatness.

Love & Respect Yourself

This may seem a bit new age but I have to come to realize that a vast majority of the people in the western civilization really can’t stand to be in one’s own company. They don’t like themselves, let alone love and respect themselves.

If they did, there wouldn’t be such a dependent need for what Deepak Chopra call the hypnosis of social conditioning.

I sometimes think that our virtual lives are far more appealing than our real lives. We have become addicted to being W.I.F. addicts (What’s App, Instagram & Facebook).

Loving and respecting yourself, is the ability to look yourself alone in the mirror and say I love you, I respect you. It’s a bit Stuart Smalley, but oddly enough it works.

When you can honestly love and respect yourself, you will be able to love and respect others. But it first starts with the man or woman in the mirror.

Try it out, I dare you. For 30 days, for a few minutes a day, just stand in front of a mirror and say, I love you, I respect you, and see what happens.

It’s not vain or conceited. It’s the ability to honor yourself. And as you become an honorable person you begin to appreciate all that you are, have and do. In essence, you become that attitude of gratitude. Love and gratitude are deeply interwoven.