The other day I was speaking with my 11-year-old son and the conversation turned towards pain and suffering.
I suppose I need to give a brief summary of the details leading up to this poignant and important talk.
As with probably all 11-year-old kids, my son feels that the world is unfair when he does not get what he wants at the exact moment that he wants it.
Actually I know many adults that act in similar fashion as my son. For me, the vast majority of the supposed “adults” are all just grown up kids in adult bodies, with the only difference being their age.
Back to the story at hand, realizing that this might just be a grand opportunity to impart some timely wisdom, I sat him down and we began to talk.
Really, I began to talk and my son just listened.
What I wanted to most convey to him was that pain and suffering are not necessarily bad things and that in fact we can use our pain and suffering to move us in the direction we really want to go.
I realized that when we experience what we consider pain and suffering is the opportune momentum to use that energy to our advantage.
I told him that, “Do you think you are the only one on this planet that has experienced tough times? You are not the only one that has had to endure some form of pain and suffering. The only difference is that you complain about your pain and suffering. Is it the end of the world? No. You have to learn a very valuable lesson, that the difference between the victors in life and the victims is that the victors use their pain and suffering. They use the energy to move them in the direction that they want to go and they don’t complain about it. They take action. Use your pain and suffering. Do you think myself or Mommy have never had pain or suffering in our lives?”
In this brief talk, I felt somewhat guided as I spoke to him, as if it was meant to happen.
He paid attention, well as much attention as an 11-year-old can.
What I wanted to most instill in him was that you can achieve anything in life you want and desire if you will just be committed and work through the ups and downs. And I wanted to teach him that in life we often get more downs than ups and we need to learn that when life gives us lemons to make lemonade.
The next Saturday, my son was to compete in a cross-country run, of 1,25 kilometers.
The day before the race I made sure to tell him that, “It doesn’t matter what place you finish, what matters is to have fun and to just finish, to not give up, no matter what.”
Well lo and behold he did just that.
He pushed through and at the end of the race he told me that,”He had pain, that he felt his hip and some soreness but he told himself to keep going and to ignore it.”
After the race, completely unplanned, I had wanted to go check out a public outdoor rock climbing gym. I simply wanted to see if there was a number and to find out more information.
As luck would have it, there was an open introductory class that had just started for beginners, and the two of us signed up, right then and there.
It was great. We had such a fantastic time.
What you need to know is that, my son has fear of heights.
And we each climbed to the very top of course with professional help from the course we enrolled in.
Afterwards, he told me that, “You know, I was scared inside, but I ignored it and pushed through it.”
It was a perfect day as far as I was concerned.
Great time spent by a father and his son.
The lesson to be learned is that we all experience pain and suffering in our lives. Really the only people that don’t experience pain and suffering can be found in the cemetery.
Pain is a part of life.
How we each choose to deal with the pain is another story.
You control how you perceive the pain and suffering that you have experienced. You can either deal with and use it to your advantage or be a victim.
It really comes down to a choice. A clear decision to not settle for anything less than you can be. And realize that every freaking person on this planet has endured challenges and hardships, pain and suffering, the difference between those that achieve and those that do not is the choice to push through it.
